this must be it. welcome to the new year.

[swatkat]

This post is long. There are spoilers.


this must be it. welcome to the new year:


'And I wanna be like that. I don't, I don't wanna be a loser.'

The slow dawning of horror in this scene is probably one of the best things Lisa Edelstein has done on this show. Becca's unaffected charm (and slight 'ew'-face when she heard Cuddy's 'Joy') made her a genuinely pleasant character, and the bond between her and Cuddy was done beautifully. She looks up to Cuddy with admiration, right from the beginning, and Cuddy takes on a mentor-ish role, partly out of self-interest and partly because, as I said, it's so easy to like Becca. And that's why the end is so tragic, because Cuddy inspires her into keeping the baby and trying to have a better life, a better future. And I can't fault her for wanting that, this poor messed up girl. It's just that my heart breaks for Cuddy, denied again of that one thing she wants so badly:

'You've got, like, this perfect life.'
'Not yet.'

I will take a minute to cry now. Excuse me. It's not that I'm not used to Gloom and Doom shows and don't enjoy watching them – I enjoy them as much as I enjoy comedies. I don't, for instance, expect anything happy happening in a Joss Whedon show. I expect BSG to end in a flood of tears. Hell, I don't think Michael and Nikita should have had a happy ending in La Femme Nikita, no matter what the crazy HRs say and if there's one good thing about the way the show ended was that. In the same way, I don't believe, even for a second, that Barney and Robin will not live happily ever after at the end of HIMYM, I just don't. You can't make me. House is a deceptive show. There's something about its tone that just leads you on to want happiness for the character (because there is happiness in the Houseverse – just not for our heroes) and then pulls out the carpet from under your foot. Again, and again. *weeps*

But coming back to the episode here: Cuddy. It comes back to the House/Thirteen scene in 'Dying Changes Everything' (have I mentioned how good the show has suddenly become with foreshadowing? career-woman in her late thirties; pregnancy – ring a bell? of course the difference here is that she didn't want the child, and Cuddy did, and this show's theme is 'you can't always get what you want'):

'She's a 37-year-old woman who deserves…'
'People get what they get. It has nothing to do what they deserve.'

She deserves happiness and that baby (and Wilson deserved to be happy with Amber; Amber deserved to live). She's not going to get either anytime soon.


after all these years, look at me:


I'm not a House/Cuddy shipper. No, let me explain – I love House/Cuddy and I even ship them together and the HOT KISS WAS HOT and it made me squee. But I'm not a shipper. I'm not interested in them for the romance, though it's definitely an enjoyable thing when done well. Their relationship is weird: he's her employee; they're friends; they've done terrible things to each other; they bicker like an old married couple and occasionally even siblings; they make each other's lives difficult; they have an undeniable chemistry; they are flirty people who flirt; they are almost never unguarded around each other, unlike House and Wilson; she needs his friendship and his support; he always has her support and needs her to be his boss/friend/nanny/playmate/object of lust and freaks out when he fears that he will lose it. It's all these things, and I love ALL of it. I'm greedy that way.

This episode made me love them even more, if that's somehow possible, despite House's asshattery and Cuddy's heartbreak. Or perhaps because of it. Because you cannot convince me for a second that House was acting like an asshat because he sincerely believed she needed to rethink her decision to adopt the child for the child's sake. That entire song and dance routine? Was about House, and his obsessive need to keep his playthings in his sandbox. It's freaky, how well he can rationalize, how beautifully and accurately he can put his arguments, as in the 'I didn't come here to get jerked around' scene, where he tells her oh-so-rationally that a part of her wants to kill the baby. *stabz*

And oh, how much do you love that she said, 'When I was getting a baby, you said I'd suck as a mother', quoting him ad verbatim from 'Finding Judas'? This show is not very good with fallouts, and I've waited for this confrontation for two years. Because again, you cannot convince me for a second that this was just about House needling her in this episode and had nothing to with what he told her during 'Finding Judas'. It's the cruellest thing House has said on the show, and that's kind of a record, even by his usual standards. My heart almost went out to House when he said one genuine word of comfort, only to have Cuddy respond in anger (and, oh incredibly awesome is righteously angry Cuddy?) and House looked bewildered, because he is socially and emotionally a 12-year-old with no idea what the hell he's doing – I'm usually always on House's side. Unless, of course, I'm on Cuddy's side, then he's on his own.

zorana84 and I were talking last night, and she thinks that the kiss was random and a bit abrupt. To which I said yes, it was, and that WAS the point – it was random and abrupt and desperate. Remember 'Adverse Effects' and House's failed attempt to get a very important point through to Cuddy? He wanted her to see him in a different light, to quote the PI – he wanted her to see what stupid, epic things he is capable of doing for people he really cares about, and she didn't see it, she didn't believe it was possible and trusted Wilson with her biggest secret instead. And all throughout this episode, House behaved in his usual 'hurt the people I love most' mode, refusing to give her the support she clearly wanted, until the very end, when the damage has already been done. 'You would've made a great mother' is probably an honest statement, but as always, he has cried wolf too many times ('Not Cancer' – the confrontation between House and the nurse? not entirely random) and now his truth-telling can only backfire on him. So he does a stupid desperate thing, and then TURNS and FLEES. AGAIN. I know I'm repeating myself at this point, and my biases are clearly showing, but if I can't have my fun House/Cuddy fling, I'll take desperate kissing that cannot end well instead. /shallow

I think the episode demonstrates very well why House can't have a relationship with either Wilson or Cuddy in the show (fanfic, though – anything is fair game in fanfic). Here he has just had Wilson back after a long, bitter break-up – you'd think he'd happy with that. But no, he wants more, Cuddy has to be there too. If any House relationship will work in canon, it's some platonic version of the OT3. He's the long distance runner of neediness – no one person should have to deal with him on their own.

you get what you need:

'This doesn't need you. I do.'
'There's no such thing as unconditional love. There's only unconditional need.'

It was interesting to hear needy declarations from House in this episode. I'm sure fandom is very busy explaining away the kissage ('It means more to Cuddy than it does to House!' 'He wanted to shut her up!' etc.) or the importance of Cuddy's presence in House's life, but I think this episode kinda sealed the deal. He needs her around, and he cares for her enough to go and make a pathetic effort at comforting her, even after the danger has been averted and he's numero uno in her life again. Which of course brings up the question – what does Cuddy need from House? There was someone in a board expressing bafflement over why Cuddy puts up with House, because Wilson at least gets to go out bowling with him – what does she get out of the relationship? To which again there is no simple answer, because you cannot separate their professional and personal relationship in that manner. I think both the final scene in the previous episode (her FACE!) and this episode displayed that Cuddy does need House's support in this big thing that she's trying to do.

Equally intriguing was the 'you're quitting' discussion: I can understand why she's giving up on this, and god, I wouldn't wish such a thing on anyone, ever, but now I'm wondering what this scene was trying to say about Cuddy. She's a stubborn person and she has pursued her ambition to the top. She's a loyal person, and in spite of everything, she has not given up on House so far. But she's given up JDate ('can't handle a relationship with an adult'). She's given up IVF. She's giving up any bid at adoption again. She will quite probably rationalize the kiss in the next episode and keep working more and more. Cuddy/PPTH is the real ship, guys, and I heart how screwed-up this woman is.

In conclusion: ♥



ETA: This post in house_cuddy is awesome and thought-provoking: The show is still about House. Cuddy is only one aspect of House. She has been an aspect of House since day one and has become more of an aspect of House over the seasons. Especially as his team and friend deserted him and she had to sit in the hospital and hold his hand so maybe he wouldn't remember that he was lonely and miserable when he woke up.

Comments

[alex-kingston.livejournal.com]

Hee i just wanted to squee first about the meta! Will give coherent thoughts in a bit!

[plazmah.livejournal.com]

Awesome meta. Cuddy/PPTH is totally OTP. :)

[topaz-eyes.livejournal.com]

If any House relationship will work in canon, it's some platonic version of the OT3. He's the long distance runner of neediness – no one person should have to deal with him on their own.

You nail it right here. Oddly enough, the most stable structure is a triangle, and House is most stable when Cuddy and Wilson support him. Obviously their relationship isn't, and probably won't ever be, an equilateral one; it's more of an isosceles. But since I ship the OT3, I'm quite okay with it. :-)

Cuddy/PPTH is the real ship, guys, and I heart how screwed-up this woman is.

Yep. This was stated all the way back in first season's "Maternity": the hospital is Cuddy's baby, first and foremost. Sometimes I'm wonder, with Cuddy, if TPTB aren't trying to make a point about women in general. Women have been taught for a couple of generations now, that we can be anything and have everything if we want it: a loving, supporting mate, a fabulous job, children; and that wanting it is enough to make it happen. Yet Cuddy has only one of those (and even then, with House, one has to wonder sometimes *g*). I know a lot of fans hate the baby storyline. Personally, I love it, because at this point in my life I know it's a reality check. (It's a nasty one, too.) What I really like is that I see all the themes of the show in this storyline. Then again, I love to over-analyze.

Lovely meta. :-)

[hihoplastic.livejournal.com]

Remind me to spam you about this later.

Fabulous meta. ♥

[shutterbug-12.livejournal.com]

Oh, man. You guys are convincing me of the awesomeness of the baby storyline. Damn you. Hee!

[shutterbug-12.livejournal.com]

I feel the same way you do about the birth mother. I sympathized with her, and, even though the girl was messed up, it's an admirable thing to want to try to improve yourself. If we take the show's philosophy, though, that's even more tragic, because, even though people wish they could change, they can't, so are we too assume that this birth mother, despite her wishes, doesn't really change? And what kind of life does this child have, as compared to the one she'd have with Cuddy.

(I'm probably going to stray from your points, but I can't help it.) It's also interesting to think of the kind of life the baby would have with Cuddy, if she'd gotten her. Cuddy would still have a demanding job, with long hours, and I don't think Cuddy would be able to balance those two without sacrificing one of them, which is also tragic, because she wants both, and, somewhere deep inside her, needs both. But I don't think she'll ever get them simultaneously in the ways that she wants so badly.

Damn it. Now I love the baby storyline and its complications.

*ahem* And allow me to c/p that description of House and Cuddy and cherish it forever, because that is it. All the wonderful things about them. And you know I don't want them to have a relationship, because they wouldn't succeed and, blah, blah, you've heard it before from me. But not even taking "romance" into consideration here, that description is awesome and accurate.

And WORD to your thoughts about House keeping his Cuddy-plaything in his sandbox. (Did Cuddy use the same terminology in--what was it?--Act Your Age? House Training? Whatever one House was being all clingy with Cuddy because of the Wilson-Cuddy "date".) That whole paragraph rocked my socks. He wasn't getting in her business for the baby's sake or HER sake. It was about him. It's always about him. (I think most things are, when it comes to House. I always think of that conversation House with Cameron in S1, asking her if she was an only child, since everything was always about her. Projecting, House? I think so.)

And, oh, God, the Finding Judas reference made that whole episode for me! The whole thing! I was so thrilled that Cuddy got pissed off. She should have been more pissed off that than and bit House's damn lip into two pieces, but yes. That comment was the worst thing he's ever said, and I don't blame Cuddy for remembering it all this time. Me, I'm pretty much always on House's side, even though he's an ass, but damn, this episode had my heart breaking for Cuddy so much. Although, House's confusion (and I think he was a little bit hurt) was fitting considering the disappointment over the cheerleading picture. Once again, House puts himself out there for a second, and Cuddy doesn't see, and doesn't really seem to believe it's possible. I think the kiss was partly a reaction to HER reaction on House's part (in addition to a bunch of other things, of course). House would have to do an awful lot of putting himself out there, over and over, for Cuddy to see him differently, I think, and I don't think House would be willing to do that, and, if either of them actually was interested in a relationship with each other, I don't agree with people who think Cuddy wouldn't want House to change. I don't think Cuddy, right now, is able to believe that House as he is can genuinely be the kind of support she'd need personally. While she believes in him in many ways, she still believes the BAD things about him, too. (He makes those around him worse for being there. Would never believe he joined a cheerleading squad for a girl. Can't believe he's trying to be comforting to her. I have no doubt she now believes that he would never truly support her hope for a child.) I think she'd need him to change enough to prove he could be the kind of support she needs and wants, and I don't think House could do that. (Getting off track again...)

And...I realized I wrote all that without reading your next paragraph, but I'll keep it anyway.

[shutterbug-12.livejournal.com]

And, yes! Despite that it couldn't work in a romantic way, House without a doubt needs her around. Needs her, and Wilson. He's gone through enough loss, and knows the pain of it, and doesn't want to go through it anymore, and I think, when he's faced with losing either of them, he'll take steps to stop it. As much as he doesn't want to admit it, he NEEDS people, and at this point in his life, Cuddy and Wilson are at the top of his NEED list. It's wonderful, and messed up, and dysfunctional. I love it. I love that triangle so much.

It seems like Cuddy will be rationalizing next episode, and I REALLY HOPE she keeps it up. B/c the guards have to go back up now, or they'd just mess it up for themselves. One of the rationalizations I hope comes out of this (and it wouldn't be a bad one or a false one) is that they realize that a relationship would be bad news, and a huge risk, because if they were to have a go, and reach a nasty end, then they'd lose each other, and neither of them want that to happen, I'm sure. Like you said, they need each other to fulfill certain roles in their lives, and BE in each other's lives, and they don't NEED to be romantically involved in each other. It's not a stretch to think that one or both might WANT it, but they don't NEED it, and our heroes don't get what they WANT.

Oh, hell, I think I'm talked out. Sorry for the rambling reply. But, um, yeah, these were wonderful thinky-thoughts to read. =)

[froda-baggins.livejournal.com]

Yeah I'd say a lot of House's assholishness is feelings of betrayal. Cuddy gave her big secret to WILSON. She had WILSON with her buying baby crap, SHE AND WILSON kept this from him on purpose, and he HATES being left out like that.

And he's just as afraid of losing the people in his life as Wilson is.

And he's full of self-loathing... and god, I had a great post thought up but it all went away. I'll have to come up with it again. D:

[swatkat24.livejournal.com]

Obviously their relationship isn't, and probably won't ever be, an equilateral one; it's more of an isosceles.

Yes, exactly. House and Wilson's co-dependence was something I wouldn't ascribe to House and Cuddy (and to a lesser extent, Cuddy and Wilson) earlier, but with this season especially I'm beginning to see certain patterns in Cuddy's relationship with House that points to some similar (albeit different, and in a lesser degree) co-dependence. I'll have to think more on this, actually, but this episode and this post (http://community.livejournal.com/house_cuddy/1528935.html) made me think along these lines.

Sometimes I'm wonder, with Cuddy, if TPTB aren't trying to make a point about women in general. Women have been taught for a couple of generations now, that we can be anything and have everything if we want it: a loving, supporting mate, a fabulous job, children; and that wanting it is enough to make it happen. Yet Cuddy has only one of those (and even then, with House, one has to wonder sometimes *g*).

Oooh. Yes. I had trouble with the suddenness of the baby storyline when it first came up in S2, but I don't hate it. Quite like it, in fact, because like you, I see the themes of the show playing out in this storyline and because, well, it's a Cuddy storyline. How could I complain? *g*

[swatkat24.livejournal.com]

*notes*

[swatkat24.livejournal.com]

If we take the show's philosophy, though, that's even more tragic, because, even though people wish they could change, they can't, so are we too assume that this birth mother, despite her wishes, doesn't really change? And what kind of life does this child have, as compared to the one she'd have with Cuddy.

Want.fic.now.

I don't think Cuddy, right now, is able to believe that House as he is can genuinely be the kind of support she'd need personally. While she believes in him in many ways, she still believes the BAD things about him, too. (He makes those around him worse for being there. Would never believe he joined a cheerleading squad for a girl. Can't believe he's trying to be comforting to her. I have no doubt she now believes that he would never truly support her hope for a child.) I think she'd need him to change enough to prove he could be the kind of support she needs and wants, and I don't think House could do that. (Getting off track again...)

Word on the things Cuddy believes of House now. My question here is, relationship or no, what kind of support does she need of him? Because she is not stupid enough to believe that House is Mr. Sensitive, and she has Wilson for grown-up support. And yet she clearly wants... something from him. Approval. Support. I have to think more on this. As I said, I don't care if they hook up. I just want more interesting storylines and hot kissage please.

[swatkat24.livejournal.com]

Yeah I'd say a lot of House's assholishness is feelings of betrayal. Cuddy gave her big secret to WILSON. She had WILSON with her buying baby crap, SHE AND WILSON kept this from him on purpose, and he HATES being left out like that.

WORD to that. How dare she talk to Wilson? How dare they be friends behind his back?