swatkat

Somewhere between considering realism in unicorn!crack!fic and plotting out cuddy_fest space pirates!au!fic and rewatching The Labyrinth of Gedref for the five hundredth time to perfect my knowledge of unicorn lore in Merlin (for the record, my favourite scene in the episode is not the 'I WILL DIE FOR YOU' of TRUE DESTINY but the one where Morgana asks for food and Arthur and Merlin smirk, because obviously they're going to feed her the rat stew now), my brain short-circuited and is currently stuck in crack!AU!mode. I cannot function normally anymore. I can't write, I can't think.

For instance, it feels perfectly normal that House 6.03 should call for the AU where House and Wilson are famous television chefs, possibly currently hosting something like Top Chef, where the Ducklings and D2 are competitors (SPOILER ALERT: AMBER WINS). Cuddy, of course, is the harangued executive producer, struggling to keep the show alive against all odds, because Edward Vogler, the Evil Network Boss, wants to cancel the show in favour of a reality show featuring Speidi.

It feels perfectly normal to read this (very highly recommended) BSG fusion AU (if you're familiar with both 'verses) and think how Uther/Arthur/Morgana = = Bill/Lee/Kara and then imagine the AU where Galactica crew find Earth—and Camelot. And Uther is all 'MAAAGIC! I KEEL YOU!', before Roslin takes matters into her hands ('You're being unreasonable, Your Majesty. Now why don't we have a… rational discussion?'). Arthur, after initial wariness, is very pleased to meet one Mr. Lee Adama. ( and then they bond over Daddy Issues and Manpain )

And, and, the Quidditch fusion AU, where Morgana Le Fay is Seeker for the Holyhead Harpies (even though her name or her surname does not begin with a 'G', and no, her middle name doesn't either, and NO SHE IS NOT CHANGING HER NAME). Her rivalry with Arthur Pendragon (who also happens to be her stepbrother)—currently Beater and Captain of the Montrose Magpies—is legendary, ranging back from their Hogwarts days (Arthur took great pleasure in aiming every Bludger at Morgana's head; however, Slytherin usually won). The Harpies, however, lost their British and Irish League as well as their European League matches to the Magpies the previous season, much to Morgana's dismay (which was further increased when the Quidditch Today only printed a tiny, five-page interview of hers and DID AN ENTIRE PHOTOSHOOT WITH ARTHUR). Meanwhile, Morgana may or may not be harbouring longstanding… feelings for Guinevere Smith, the Daily Prophet's Quidditch correspondent (their unlikely friendship did not endear Morgana to some of her more prejudiced Pureblood housemates, but frankly, she did not—does not—give a damn), and Arthur may or may not have struck up a sort of friendship with Merlin (not the heir of Merlin, no really, that's not funny), Gaius'—the Magpies' team physician and his father's old friend—boy genius assistant, whose hobby is designing the perfect broom. Will the Harpies avenge their losses? Will Morgana be able to profess her complete, undying love for Gwen? Will Arthur get over his Daddy Issues (Uther Pendragon, former captain of the Magpies; ten straight wins in the British and Irish League, plus two European titles; England's star Seeker; current President of the national selection board; owner of 80 per cent Magpies shares)? Will Merlin design the perfect broom?

( this one practically writes itself )

See what I mean?

Help.