almost dying changes nothing

[swatkat]

Everybody Dies:

'You thought she would change?'
'She almost died. Because of that job. Yeah, I – I thought – '
'Almost dying changes nothing. Dying changes everything.'

THIS. THIS SCENE. This scene is the pivot of this episode as far as I'm concerned. Fandom will most likely disagree, because yes, the final House/Wilson scene did pack a punch in the gut, but Wilson's 'We're not friends anymore, House. I'm not sure we ever were' (probably the cruellest thing Wilson has ever told anyone – and as an oncologist, he gets say cruel things everyday; it's his job to say cruel things) was just the final nail in the coffin. This scene was IT. Thirteen's bafflement over their patient's decision to return to birdwatching and House playing the mentor (in a scene reminiscent of the House/Thirteen scene in 97 Seconds), sharing wisdom he has learnt through suffering, 'Almost dying changes nothing'. 'Change' has been a theme ever since Season 3, but it's not the almost dyings that changed House – it's the death. THAT changes everything; that leaves you with no option but to accept the change and change yourself, because it's final and irrevocable. Amber is dead, and everybody dies. This, I think, is a testimony to House's recognition that he can't go on that path forever – Amber's death hasn't left him with any other option but to change. It's also an expression of hurt, I think, because while House doesn't care very much for his own life, he did almost die to save Amber's life, and that he almost died to save Wilson's girlfriend's life is important to him, because otherwise he wouldn't have mentioned the 'My skull was cracked open trying to save her.' House almost died to save Wilson's girlfriend's life, because Wilson asked, and Wilson doesn't care because Amber beat him hollow in this final round of the survivor game: House only almost died; Amber died. 'I'm not sure we ever were' – a cruel, cruel statement, essentially dismissing years of their friendship and everything they've ever been through, emerging, of course, out of Wilson's pain and years of bitterness (House isn't the only bitter one – sorry, Wilson) – is just the final brick in the wall, so to speak.

I love how well-written the episode was. The Thirteen B-plot tied in perfectly with the main House/Wilson plot, and it brought in all the characters to bring to light the fantastically complex mess House has landed himself in again. Cameron is right when she says that leaving won't make the pain fade; Cuddy is when she says that it isn't going to be any easier if he walks away from every who cares about him, meaning, of course, House, and also herself; and Foreman is right when he minces no words and says that House doesn't want Wilson to leave because he doesn't want to lose his sidekick and Cuddy doesn't Wilson to leave because she doesn't want to lose her want to lose her House-whisperer. It's all those things, really. Amber is dead, and that has changed everything. (At the back of my Amber-loving mind there is this tiny little voice that keeps going, 'Amber was fridged! Amber was fridged!', but I can't really be very angry with the storyline her death has spawned. I guess I feel the same way about this plotline as I do about the Cain/Gina plotline in Razor, because yes, Cain is the Evil Dead Lesbian, but she's also tragic! and awesome! and more than plain evil!)

Voice of Reason:

I absolutely loved Cuddy in this episode. Granted, that's my default state at any given time, but I LOVED that she played the voice of reason here, and (let me count the ways)

- pulled out the plug;
- tried to talk House OUT of taking a case, because Wilson is more important;
- tried to get House to talk to Wilson – 'Just tell him you feel like crap';
- had little interest in taking over House’s case – this is character development, people;
- was so genuinely angry when House locked himself up in his place trying to emotionally manipulate Wilson into staying, 'If you make yourself vulnerable once in your nerve deadening, emotionally obliterating – You're doing the same thing he is. You're running away. Only he's not killing anyone in the process';
- and then tried to emotionally manipulate Wilson herself, 'Do you think Amber would want you to walk away?' and got called on it;
- stole House's remote;
- sent Wilson a 911 message;
- 'I'm withholding your salary history from every hospital'; pottery channel;
- 'Welcome to couples counselling';
- 'SIT';
- 'Go to hell';
- 'You're afraid to know'

I LOVE that last one, 'You're afraid to know' – questioning House's integrity. That's one thing House has always been insistent upon – he has to know. One should know. Knowing is better than not knowing. Truth sucks, but it's still the truth. And here he is, afraid of the truth. It's the only thing that could've prompted him to finally move past his denial and look at the truth that was staring him in the face, 'Almost dying changes nothing.'

There was some fandom whining about an interview where LE said something about Cuddy not wanting to lose her House-whisperer that irritated me to no end a couple of days ago. I think the episode handled that part beautifully here, letting Foreman speak: 'House doesn't want to lose his sidekick. Cuddy doesn't want to lose her check on House. No one's talking about what you want.' It's just so – how do I put this? – unpleasant, what Foreman said, and in a sense cheapens House and Cuddy's relationship with Wilson, but it's also right. House really does want to keep his sidekick, and Cuddy her House-handler, and it's important to remember that part. It makes sense that Foreman is the one to say it, because he himself walked away when he thought it was what he needed. It was what Wilson wanted to hear, I think, and it made him sit up - the difference here, however, is that very few people can walk back in again with the grace Foreman managed to do, and Wilson needs to realise that as well.

But coming back to Cuddy and fandom's whining about Cuddy acting out of her desire not to lose her House-whisperer – well of course she doesn't want to lose her House-whisperer. Can you imagine being abandoned with a Wilsonless House? Can you imagine being abandoned with House by your partner in crime? But then there is this: 'You really don't feel ANY sense of guilt?' That's genuine bafflement there, because Cuddy cannot conceive of that degree of irresponsibility (House is lying, of course – as he'll admit later). It says a lot about who she is, and why she's taking up House and Wilson's case – because she cares about them, and she feels responsible.

Etc.:

* I think there was a lot in this episode that foreshadows future plotlines in the season; I'll keep a tab on stuff and come back to it afterwards. It's a neat trick that the writers picked up only in the last season, and that really makes me happy.

* I liked Thirteen in the episode, as always.

* Kutner is the smartest of the D2.

* Chase needs a haircut. And he would do it for House, yes he would. He loves House, and please, Shore, can we please deal with his and House's unresolved issues now?

* 'I would rather spend my life close to the birds than waste it wishing I had wings' – I found this oddly touching. Return of the 'you can't always get what you want' theme, which ties into House and Thirteen's argument about the foetus, 'People get what they get. It has nothing to do with what they deserve' (also, very definite echoes of the baby plotline), and then, of course, the end, 'I'm not sure we ever were.' House is a jackass, House is a jerk, House spreads misery everywhere he goes and yes, he deserves the fact that Wilson has finally chosen to walk away from him, but he doesn't deserve that. Not after he almost died to save Amber; not after he SAID OUT LOUD what Wilson's friendship means to him. If it was at any other time, I'd say Wilson owes House an apology (and one to Cuddy as well, while we're at it, for the 'to prove to me she's on my side' schtick). But Wilson's the person who always does the apologising, even when it's not his fault (and isn’t this the lesson House was trying to teach him in that S4 episode with the cancer patient who’s not dying subplot?) – I guess he deserves some pampering, some wooing for a change.

I'm looking forward to the wooing.

Comments

[bluerosefairy.livejournal.com]

What you said. Perfect.

House almost died to save Wilson's girlfriend's life, because Wilson asked, and Wilson doesn't care because Amber beat him hollow in this final round of the survivor game: House only almost died; Amber died.

That part, I think, hit me the hardest. Wilson just can't seem to say it - yeah, you almost died, House, but Amber actually did it. She's gone, and I'm never going to get her back and you doing everything you could to save her actually doesn't mean shit. It also pings me from an otherfandom point of view because of one thing I noticed: Wilson asked. Wilson, like another creepily devoted person I could name, is usually the one being asked. He sacrifices and plays House's games, and never, ever asks for anything in return. Except this time, the one time he did ask, it didn't work. House couldn't save her. And that, I think, is actually what's tearing him up - he asked, and it still didn't do any good.

well of course she doesn't want to lose her House-whisperer. Can you imagine being abandoned with a Wilsonless House? Can you imagine being abandoned with House by your partner in crime?

Exactly! Being abandoned by Wilson like that probably scares her just as much as it does House, and I love that Wilson knows it. Because while he's her House-whisperer, she is also just as much an enabler as he is. She allows their codependent relationship to continue because it benefits her, and is just now realizing what could happen if it stops.

(and isn’t this the lesson House was trying to teach him in that S4 episode with the cancer patient who’s not dying subplot?)

"Games", and yes, definitely. I think it's a lesson Wilson's never really going to learn. As House has already diagnosed, Wilson needs needy, needs to fix problems, even when there are none to fix. Which, by the way, I suspect may be the point of his leave of absence and that scene with Cameron - no matter how far you run, or where you go, or who you're with, there's always going to be a reminder of what you've lost. Running won't get you anywhere, and I think Wilson's going to have to take some time to figure that out.

Pt. 1

[swatkat24.livejournal.com]

Wilson just can't seem to say it - yeah, you almost died, House, but Amber actually did it. She's gone, and I'm never going to get her back and you doing everything you could to save her actually doesn't mean shit

Oh, this entire thing is so messed up, I just... Because on one hand, what House did doesn't mean anything, because Amber still died, and on the other hand, House did it, because Wilson asked, and that *should* mean something. And Wilson right now is not in a state to acknowledge the latter, I think, but he will have to some day. Because Amber is dead. House is alive.

like another creepily devoted person I could name

Which one? *is curious*

he asked, and it still didn't do any good.

I keep thinking of the exchange in 'Mirror, Mirror':

WILSON: You would pick up my laundry if I asked you to.
HOUSE: Go ahead, ask.
WILSON: Oh, I wouldn't do that to you.

It was a joking exchange, of course - but there was an element of truth there, and now I'm wondering: House, of course, has done almost nothing good for Wilson over the course of the show (did, in fact, get him fired once and lose his license another time), but has Wilson been aware of his power to ask from the beginning, or is it something he learnt only in S4? Put this alongside 'Histories':

Foreman: Okay. Why are we on this case – just because Wilson asked?
Wilson: [opens mouth in protest]
House: Do I need a better reason?
Foreman: Most people wouldn’t, you do.

I'm not being very coherent here, but what I'm trying to say here is that while House is the one who takes and Wilson is the one who gives in the relationship, the dynamics in the relationship probably makes it so that Wilson's giving gives him power over House and that makes their relationship slightly different from the POTW's relationship with her boss. The boss is the bird, the POTW the flunky; Wilson may not be the bird (though he is, of course, a very intelligent and accomplished man), but he has a power over House that the flunky POTW cannot even dream of.

Eh. That probably didn't make any sense whatsoever.

[swatkat24.livejournal.com]

Being abandoned by Wilson like that probably scares her just as much as it does House, and I love that Wilson knows it. Because while he's her House-whisperer, she is also just as much an enabler as he is.

Exactly! That she's also House's enabler is something that was pointed out to her by WILSON (3.23), and that she hired Foreman back and delegated some responsibility to him while openly acknowledging that she enables House is something that happened because of Wilson. Everything that she said in 'Alone'? Could not have been said by S1 Cuddy.

Cuddy and Wilson have a curious relationship, one that fascinates me, and I loved the 'She wants to prove she's on my side'; 'Go to hell' exchange.

Oh dear, I feel like another big thinky post coming on!