I will talk no more of books

[swatkat]

I seem to have a swollen thingie behind my ear. Both ears. Might be a swollen gland - hurts a bit. I wish I could go to Dr. House's clinic - I'd ogle him and he would be rude to me and then find out whatever it is in his usual cool way. *happy sigh* That's right, I'm obsessed with this show. ♥


I LOVE HOUSE SO MUCH! You know who he reminds me of? Sam Vimes (from Discworld, for those who haven't read). Take away the cane and vicodin and replace it with a policeman's badge and alcohol and send him to Ankh-Morpork, and you'll have Sam Vimes. The misanthropy. The way he cares. The intense hotness. And it fits - Vimes is a Discworld version of Sherlock Holmes. Pterry frequently uses him to mock Holmes (Clues *giggles*).

Aw, it was House's birthday.

OMGCUDDY! She brought a birthday card!

HOUSE: Good morning, Dr. Cuddy! Love that outfit. Says, I’m professional, but I’m still a woman. Actually, it sorta yells the second part.

CUDDY: Yeah, and your big cane is real subtle too.

Bwahaha!

Chase has more History, doesn't he? I love how all of them have History.

There wasn't enough House/Wilson in this ep. Or enough Cuddy, for that matter. But I liked the patient for a change. And *love* the poem.



But before that, I was channel-surfing. And they were airing FLYF. And because I'm a masochist, I watched.

I HATE THIS EPISODE SO MUCH! JUST WTF, MAN?

*thinks of Dr. House's hotness*

*calms down*

I've been thinking about Madeline's suicide - I used to think it would be very OOC for Madeline to commit suicide. Give up like that. But these days, after Angel, I'm wondering if Madeline isn't more of a fatalist than I thought her to be. She did have a very rough year. And then she was being told, by Nikita of all people, that *she* didn't have a place in Section. *Her* Section. So yes, she might not want to live in that indignity. Ooh, like Cleopatra! And Paul's temperament is more like Macbeth - 'why should I play the Roman fool...'

AND YOU KNOW WHAT MAKES ME ANGRY? That fans think the Michael/Nikita separation is the worst thing about this episode. What the hell? Madeline *died*, and you're complaining about why they're not living happily ever after? In this show???

*thinks of House again*

*happy sigh*

Actually, that last mission is kinda poignant in its way. And did Paul *blink* when Michael was about to die? He does care in a way, doesn't he? He does. Yes he does - this is my personal fanon and you can't take it away from me.

Jason/Naomi - parallels with Michael/Nikita? Hmm.

And am I the only person who heard the underlying 'I'm sorry. There's no other way. I will always love you' when Nikita said 'I don't love you. I never did'? Tell me I'm not? The way she looked away, then gathered strength and said that very earnestly, almost pleading - tell me you saw that? Please?

The blood tear, though melodramatic, is also quite poignant. Shut up.



I also watched Angel S3, Loyalty. God, so.much.love. Wesley! Wesley breaks my heart in tiny little pieces. And the mussed hair and stubble and glasses do strange things to me. And in the end, with Angel - the way he turned his tears into that crazy laugh... God.

Lilah was talking to her mother on the phone! Oh, Lilah!

Justine! I missed you and your batshit ways!

*

The internet is a lot better now, but the computer is still misbehaving. There might be a virus. Norton won't run for some reason. I'll call the tech guy tomorrow. *headdesk*

Comments

[jaybee65.livejournal.com]

Well. Not *all* fans think the Nikita/Michael separation was the worst thing about that episode. *Ahem*

I'm quite attached to my own personal fanon that the suicide was indeed a pseuicide (I love that word!), and no one is ever going to shake me from that belief. *Clings to fanon*

However, I've always held (and have so argued ad nauseam in various online discussions!) that the suicide was nevertheless perfectly in character, and in fact maybe even a pretty rational choice under the circumstances. Besides, she went out with a certain amount of dignity, and how many other characters on that show managed to achieve the same? In the world of Section, quite frankly, that was a good death. And while I think she might have actually preferred to have died in the line of duty, this was perhaps second best.

[sk56.livejournal.com]

I agree on both counts -- that I would like to believe it was a pseuicide (!) and that it could have been a very logical thing for that character to do. I think that for someone else to make the live/die decision for her would have been unbearable -- this way, she is still in control.

[swatkat24.livejournal.com]

she is still in control.

WORD.

[nell65.livejournal.com]

Having written pseuide - obviously, I'd like to believe it too!

And Jaybee has convinced me that it could be very much IC. I think, as I've only seen the ep once - can't wait for my own DVDs.... - that my initial objection was mostly shock that a character that was such an essential part of the mix (sorry, Birkoff just wasn't - for me at least) was now gone. And, really, most for good unless I fanoned it away.

The Michael and Nikita separation? Like you - I hear a declaration of love, not the opposite. And as such, never believed for a minute that this was anything like a final separation. It shrieked 'to be continued!' - and I think that both characters heard/read/delievered it that way as well.

So, Madeline dying is by far the worst part of the ep - and oddly enough, for me, the forest scene declarations of love and passion (what else is the damn blood tear) the best.

E

[nell65.livejournal.com]

or *pseuicide* rather.

Spelling. ARggh.!!!!!!!

[swatkat24.livejournal.com]

I do love Birkoff, but he never really was a part of the story the way the four of them were, was he? But yes, I cried when he died. I cry when any character dies. It's a thing I do. *g*

this was anything like a final separation

Honestly? The ending in S5 is more 'final' than this one. Because here, she isn't Operations, and he doesn't have a little boy to take care of. I like both, though - you know I love unhappy!goodbye forver!endings. And everytime some HR speaks of how it would've been great if the show ended at UTRH, I shudder a little bit.

[nell65.livejournal.com]

Yep - the S5 ending is far more final. They each have accepted, despite a lot of mixed feelings, responsibilities that they care deeply about - and they cannot meet those responsibilities in the same place.

It is all too easy to see stories like sk's or ~delle's as canon - that is, what with one thing and another, they don't ever make it back together; though the dream of it still offers some occasional solace, and later, the regrets do to, oddly enough.

So - yes. Far more final. *g*

I like both endings, though in some ways I am glad - despite the many other horrors of the short S5! - for that particular ending. And I cried when Birkoff died too - but not with the same, "OMG they've ripped out half the heart of the show!" feeling that I had when Madeline died.

[swatkat24.livejournal.com]

I hate S5. But the ending for Michael/Nikita? Absolutely *perfect*. They meet in a train station - the symbolism of meetings and partings. The ironic role reversal. Michael, free, with a chance to begin anew. Nikita stuck forever in Section One, in a role she had never wanted. (I'm beginning to have theories on how hubris is the reason behind Nikita's downfall, and her self-sacrifice for Michael is a redeeming move, albeit not enough to free her from Section. Hmm. *ponders*) There could not have been a better ending. A happy ending on this show would have been just *wrong* (like if Buffy ended in a tragedy, or Angel in happilyeverafter way).

[swatkat24.livejournal.com]

Heh, well, yes - I should've qualified it as 'most fans'. *g*

I'm quite fond of the pseuicide as well - I love the idea of her living out there somewhere, laughing at Nikita and waiting for the opportunity to PWN her all over again. *g* It's just that I've been thinking a lot about Elphaba lately (and this is an understatement), and watching a lot of Angel - fatalist!Madeline suddenly had its appeal.

[jaybee65.livejournal.com]

Well, now you make me curious as to what you mean by "fatalist." It's not a word I would have chosen to describe her myself, even in the context of the suicide.

For me, a fatalist would be passive in the face of disaster or loss. But Madeline's suicide was anything *but* passive -- it was an active choice to seize control of the situation. In fact, she even announced -- rather proudly, I thought -- that SHE was going to be the one to decide her fate. That's a choice of words that makes me think she was anything but a fatalist. But I suspect we're thinking of the word in somewhat different terms, so I'd love to hear you elaborate some more.

I love the idea of her living out there somewhere, laughing at Nikita and waiting for the opportunity to PWN her all over again.

Me too. *Happy smile*

[swatkat24.livejournal.com]

That's probably not the right word I'm using here, but I can't think of a better one right now. By fatalist, I simply mean that maybe she'd given up the idea of *living* to fight back and emerge back on top again. That maybe for her life wasn't worth living anymore. Suicide was, of course, a way of deciding her own fate and PWNING Nikita, but it may also have been a welcome relief, which Nikita was in the process of robbing her of by pleading for her life.

Does this make sense? It all seemed so clear in my head. *shakes head*

[jaybee65.livejournal.com]

Ah. OK. This *does* make sense. I'm not sure of the best word to use, either.

it may also have been a welcome relief

I agree. I think she had every reason to be extremely tired of it all at that point. Tired, and burnt-out, and when suddenly faced with this *new* setback, also very, very angry. A combination of things that could very easily push someone over the edge into an "Oh, the *hell* with all of this!" frame of mind.

Lots of people have argued that it wasn't in character for her to give up so easily, but I think they ignore the development of the character over time. She wasn't the same person she was in Season 1 -- and even then she was expressing *open* doubts about her ability to keep going. What's more, this wasn't an "Oh, woe is me!" kind of suicide, which I agree probably would have been out of character. This was an angry suicide -- suicide as an act of defiance, honor and pride.

[sk56.livejournal.com]

suicide as an act of defiance, honor and pride

Absolutely.

It doesn't seem fatalistic to me, but it could be seen as impulsive, which would make sense considering how tired she was by this time. For me, though, the big question is -- is it a mistake?

[jaybee65.livejournal.com]

For me, though, the big question is -- is it a mistake?

I'd be interested to see what people think her -- realistic -- alternatives were. And then, if she had chosen any of those alternatives, what outcome is likely to have flowed from that choice.

[swatkat24.livejournal.com]

Ever since this discussion, I've been having visions of post-pseuicide!retired!Madeline, a little melancholy, a little relieved, but with no option but to continue living her life that way. Because I personally can't see any way for her to come back to Section, once she's out (for Michael, either). Would she really even want to, given the current equation, no matter how much she missed the job? Would she try to do an Adrian? She's already seen Adrian fail (and there were some interesting Adrian/Nikita parallels Madeline would not have missed). Does she even have Adrian's enthusiasm left anymore?

Swatkat, thinking out loud

[jaybee65.livejournal.com]

Hmmm. That's an interesting scenario.

On the one hand, I think she's smart enough to have learned from Adrian's failure, so I don't think she'd try that route. Not sure if she'd have the resources by herself, either -- I would imagine being the Founder of the Sections gives one much better access to post-retirement funds and support than merely having been #2 at Section One.

On the other hand, Madeline is not Michael. Michael, at least in my opinion, didn't *believe* in Section the way Madeline did, and so he could much more easily turn his back on it. He also had Adam as his new responsibility and focus, and Madeline has no equivalent. I think she would have a *much* more difficult time adjusting to post-Section life.

I'm think she might -- after some period of deep, deep bitterness -- wind up needing to turn to something else as a substitute for Section. Something that she could give the same kind of single-minded devotion to, although not necessarily *anything like* her prior work. Maybe even something quite unexpected. Let me think on this some more.

[sk56.livejournal.com]

I'm think she might -- after some period of deep, deep bitterness -- wind up needing to turn to something else as a substitute for Section.

She is much closer to the definition of a "true believer" than M, and I think she would definately need something to organize her life. I don't know what that might be, but the options could be fascinating.

[swatkat24.livejournal.com]

and even then she was expressing *open* doubts about her ability to keep going

Oh. Where?

What's more, this wasn't an "Oh, woe is me!" kind of suicide, which I agree probably would have been out of character. This was an angry suicide -- suicide as an act of defiance, honor and pride.

Word.

[jaybee65.livejournal.com]

**and even then she was expressing *open* doubts about her ability to keep going**

Oh. Where?

In Gambit. Remember her remark to Nikita about not being sure if she was "strong enough to keep doing this" (or words to that effect)? And Nikita reassuring her that she was the strongest person she knew?

[swatkat24.livejournal.com]

Ohhh. Right. I remember now. *smacks self on forehead*

And Nikita reassuring her that she was the strongest person she knew?

It was very touching. I love how S1!Nikita alternately hates and hero-worships Madeline.

[kannaophelia.livejournal.com]

♥♥♥♥ Cuddy.

[swatkat24.livejournal.com]

She is so.awesome! I want to be her when I grow up. &heart;